I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
