I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
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