May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
