weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
