there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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