So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Green mimosas i think yes
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
