Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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