and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
