boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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