WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
