Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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