New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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