My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
