Umm I'm too high to move.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
