She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize