well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
