Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
