I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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