Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
