i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
