you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
