i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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