break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
