Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
