Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
