that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
