bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
