So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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