I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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