i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
