New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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