Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
