I looked at my own cervix.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
