paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
