If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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