it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
