Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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