she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
