can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
