chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
