I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
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They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize