I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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