I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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