I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
