Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
