i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
