It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
