I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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