No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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