pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
