My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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