what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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