You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
