I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
