I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
