Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize