Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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