there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
