My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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