i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
