please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
