I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
