I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
