in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
