M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
