He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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