Nicole vs. Life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
