glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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