the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
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I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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