At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
