Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
